there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
