How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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