well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
