who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
