I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
