Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
