just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
