I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
