Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
