I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
