Small penises have feelings too.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
