last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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