I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it glows. i had to have it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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