I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
