I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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