Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
