hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
