Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
