Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize