Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
one two three fourrrrnication!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
