My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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