I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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