i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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