I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
