I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
