Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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