I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize