CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
