this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
