Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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