I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You can't special order awesome
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
