Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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