She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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