You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
