Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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