WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
