I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
