Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
