I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
