she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
