You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
