my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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