just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
