god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
