I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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