i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
