Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
