i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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