Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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