If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
