Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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