you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
