cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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