My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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