but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
