Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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