Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize