im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
