That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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