he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
