this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize