you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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