Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
