First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
