Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
