Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
