I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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