Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
