SEEEEXXX PLEASE
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
