help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
