oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
