Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
