if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
