i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize