So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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