Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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