i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think my moral compass just broke
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
