I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
