My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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