I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
