she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
