Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
