saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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