i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
