Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
party gras won. party gras always wins.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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