how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
