After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
