I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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