Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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