if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
