better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
