I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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