We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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