Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
