I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
