I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
