....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
