Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
