I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
