So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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